Making the Decision to Euthanize a Pet

I have had pets my whole life thus I have lost a lot of pets in my life. But I never knew how hard it is to make the decision to euthanize a pet until I had to be the one to make that decision this past year.

When I look back to when we had pets while I was growing up, I ask myself, how on earth was my mother able to do this? And do this multiple times in our long history of family pets? It is just so heartbreaking and as any pet owner knows, you want to do what is best for your pet because you love them. But, when what they need is to have their suffering end and euthanasia is the only answer, it feels counterintuitive. We are supposed to love them and care for them, not end their life.

Those who have been in that position know both why we chose that option and that we didn't chose it lightly, but something still feels wrong about. Most people who have lost a beloved pet this way conceptualize it is an act of mercy and kindness. The logical aspect of it makes sense because the alternative is awful. It is brutal to watch them suffer and be in pain. But I always tell people, whether clients or peers or friends, my brain knows that was what had to be done, but my heart, my heart doesn't want to accept it.

So how does one navigate this type of loss? My go-to has been a lot of self-compassion. Being patient and kind with myself. What that means exactly can vary from person to person. It’s important to remember that you loved them so very much and part of that love was to let them go and end their suffering. And let’s just be honest. It is absolutely awful and is very, very, very unfair, so being angry about it is also part of the grieving. Just because we know this is what needed to be done does not mean we have to like it. Far from it. It’s ok to be mad about it. This was something terrible that happened and I am angry about it.

I joked with a friend once, why can’t my pet just come back? Him coming back to life was not going to rip apart the multiverse. The main take-away that I have learned from this type of loss is to feel the feelings you need to feel and to have love and compassion for yourself the way your beloved pet had for you.