Why Should I Do Therapy?
A client recently told me that she had a couple skeptical people question her as to why therapy was valuable and why anyone should do it, and she asked what my answer to this question would be. This question surprisingly stopped me in my tracks a little bit, but after a few minutes of deliberating I was able to come up with a relatively simple 2-part answer that we both seemed relatively happy with.
The first thing that came to my mind was, “You don’t have to do therapy!” This may either be self-evident or maybe surprising to hear this take from a professional therapist, but I think it’s true. The metaphor I find myself using most with clients describing how to relate to therapy is to view the whole process as a tool, a tool to use in all the ways you see fit for this period of your life and to discard when it feels appropriate to do so. This approach strays from the often implicit medical-model framing of therapy where the professional is treating something wrong that needs to be fixed within the patient, but I feel like it highlights the essential role of motivation and self-determination in the therapeutic process. As the old adage goes: “How many therapists does it take to change a lightbulb?... Just one, but the lightbulb has to want to change.” Therapy is an optional tool that is only effective if you feel like it’s a tool you want to use right now.
The second part of my answer as to why someone should do therapy was simply because we are already working on all of the things we do in therapy in our own lives all the time. How do I make sense of what is happening at this point in my life? At this point in my relationship? How do I make sense of what happened earlier in my life and what future do I want for myself? Who am I and who do I want to be? As human beings with psyches, these are the questions that we spend our life answering. In my view, therapy acts as a catalyst for this process where we have the support to both simply have someone sit with us for around 45 minutes a week while we self-reflect as well as a skilled partner able to ask illuminating questions that point us in valuable directions and to reflect back our most essential and positive characteristics.
So, all this goes to say if you find yourself asking “should I go to therapy?” I don’t think you have to, but you can! I also acknowledge that there are more factors going into the decision of whether or not to do therapy including “can I afford this” and “do I have the time for this right now?” But at the end of the day I believe we’re all doing the work of therapy all the time and, if you can make it work for you, working with a therapist can be an invaluable catalyzing tool in the project of better understanding yourself and living your best life.
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